The Prodigal Son: Where was his mother???

I have some questions about this story that have always puzzled me.  Today, in desperate circumstances, when I am straining scripture for another drop of grace,  these questions beg for answers.

Why did the father give him his half of the inheritance?  Was he hoping his son would make some amazing responsible decisions and invest the cash wisely so that he could turn his rebellious ways  around..and be a man?  Was he thinking that his son would crash and burn and come to rock bottom..as he eventually did?  Was he just plain out tired of his son's nagging and shenanigans and wanted him out of the house?  Was the son overpowering him with his bullying and attitude of entitlement- just plain arrogant and spoiled?  Was there so much sibling rivalry that the father had to oust the one that was most aggressive?

The question which has gotten my attention lately is this one:  where was  Mom?

Was the father a widow? Was the more vulnerable son acting our his loss of a mother? Was the other son taking the mother's place for the hole she left in the father and brother..so that he became the good son..and very passive-aggressive?  Was he like the one part of John Bradshaw's, who coined the term, ugh, dysfunctional, family mobile, who tries to keep the balance by being extra good, following all the rules, the one who may become a minister and do-gooder?  Perhaps he was the balance for his brother's wanton ways.

Maybe the mother left the family and was quite a hussy or had some serious addictions?  Maybe the weaker son never had a fair chance because he inherited her genes as well as the loss of good solid mothering?  Maybe the father was quite the codependent and just wanted to make everyone happy? Maybe a few alanon meetings would have set him straight.

My meanderings really lead to nowhere, which is the path I am tempted to run off course on this morning, my rogue path.  Rogue is the word of the day it seems.  It means off the main course and leading to the aberrant, wild and often dangerous.  Someone stop me!

I hear you  answer, Father.  Stick with the common interpretation of the Scripture and focus on the Father's love. Perhaps my loved one has chosen the path of the dangerous son, while I must be careful not to take the equally deadening path of the safe son- the one who stays home and broods, resents, questions, while doing the right thing on the surface.

I need to examine my attitude and remain in the knowledge of who the Father is and that ,although I don't see the generousity of His hand at this moment,  I must go back to basics.  I must not forget that He has given me everything and even the things that seem awful, He has allowed only because He can turn them around to building His kingdom of a love greater that any one us have ever known. I want that, I believe that. I choose that, no matter what my day brings.

I must remember that unlike the two lonely boys, I have a Mother and she watches over me and my children with the same quiet compassion that she had for her only Son. I must remember too that she stands firmly on the head of the serpent of deceit, whom she crushes beneath her feminine feet. Her name is Mary.

 Return of the Prodigal Son comes from the New Testament Gospel of St. Luke. It tells the story of two brothers, each of whom receives a share of his father’s estate. One stays home and works hard; the other squanders his share in a hedonistic lifestyle and eventually returns home penniless and penitent. Rather than chastising the irresponsible youth, the father embraces him, gives him fancy clothing, and prepares a great feast. The other son was angry until his father explained: "Your brother was dead and has come back to life, was lost and is found." Bearden updates the story: "The Prodigal Son has left North Carolina, gotten into bad company and has come back to the ‘old folks,’ his home, where, as Robert Frost says, when no one else wants you, theygot to take you in." In either version, it is a hopeful story of repentance and forgiveness, and a lesson about the possibility of turning lives around and beginning anew. It also underscores the importance of family in the stability of young people’s lives, an issue especially significant today.

The collage contains references to both the traditional and modern versions of the story. The returning son, on the left, is greeted by two women, reflecting perhaps a common type of contemporary nuclear family. The candle between the two women might refer to the proverbial candle in the window, left burning for returning friends and family members. On the right are utensils and a salt shaker, and on the left a bottle of wine, perhaps reflecting the feast that would be served to celebrate the youth’s homecoming.

Bearden’s work is strongly influenced by the musical forms of jazz and the blues. The rhythms and tones of jazz are reflected in the way he arranges shapes and patterns and applies color to his collages. The fact that jazz is often made up of improvisation combined with a general underlying plan parallels Bearden’s working technique. Part of the message contained in The Prodigal Son was inspired by the blues, from which he adopted values such as hope and the existence of dignity in all subjects, even the most downtrodden. He said, "Even though you go through these terrible experiences, you come out feeling good. That’s what the blues say, and that’s what I believe—life will prevail."

— Mariann Smith

WHAT IS IT ABOUT YES THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND

The ship that will not obey the helm will have to obey the rocks.

English proverb

This is a two-sided pillow that I have at the center of my bed, which reminds me of the choice I have every morning. It may mean something else to my husband, but I think after 45 years together, he knows better. I am just communicating my feminine moods.  In the morning I may say a cheery YES to life, but by late afternoon, the pillow has turned over to show my ragged underside, my NO. It reminds me also that Mary, inspite of moods, said YES at the tender age of fifteen, once and for all, all of us. How did she do that?  Why did she do that?  I am not one of those people who can know the right thing to do, and just go ahead and..do it.  I have to deny, and stew, and have things my way for ..a time. Are those people given a different script or are  they just more practiced..in obedience. 

A couple of posts ago, I wrote about the H in HOST, the h for humility.  Humility leads to the O, for obedience - such an ugly word.  It has always conjured images of inaction, dryness, sterility, oppression, just goin nowhere.  It just sounds so..uncreative.  I am rebellious by nature, the last thing I want to hear about is obedience.  It justs sounds dumb, childish, and medieval.  I did not know how to write about this word in an kind of an appealing way.

 At Mass today, I saw it differently, and had been waiting for this small revelation so I could share the deeper meaning of this word, this reality, with you. Here is what today's homily inspired about obedience.

Every time we choose other than God, we drift away, we "sin."  Everytime we sin, we leak from our vessels some life-sustaining oil, a little droplet of His life leaves us. We actually feel emptier, the more we sin, the emptier we get.  After a while we may not feel the emptying because we are mostly empty. Empty becomes the new normal. Then we need fillers. Our culture affords us  a full smorgasbord of tasty, shiny, tempting fillers.  All at some cost..to our wallets, physical, psychological, and spiritual. We feel fuller for a while, but actually become even emptier, closer to..nothing.

Thank God, we are offered the only meal that fills us, one that is not on that all-you-can-eat buffet table. This meal serves up the second letter of its acronym, O in HOST. The O word can turn things around for any empty soul..at any time. Thinking of the vital O, as obedience, as  good food, life-giving, spiritually delicious and nutritious!   We need to eat the O often so we can keep ourselves whole and satisfied. It will give us the strength and energy we need to feel good enough to climb the mountain of life and start to enjoy the view. The view is not the one we thought or the one the world offers, the one Lucifer offered to Jesus in the desert. The view is from a much higher place than he, than we, could ever imagine and it is all ours  for the asking.  Obedience is the asking; it is an walking forward, one mini step at a time. Very hard,  but  one thing makes it easier.  Practice.

On the upside, every time we make a act, even mentally, of obedience - love of God- we are being filled. When we freely choose the good,  we are fuller of life. We are fuller of God. Even if we cannot feel it right away, we still know it by faith. With obedience, we usually do feel it because God usually gives us positive reinforcement soon after, so we keep on the path. We follow crumbs at first, but amazingly energizing crumbs..and much tastier that they look, all raggedy and on the ground. Crumb by crumb, we are nourished and transformed.  We start to feel healthier. We become healthier, we become filled..with the Spirit.

Eat the O bar every day. The O feeds the soul what it needs, one bite at a time.

Reality Check:

We may say we don't know what He wants, to be obedient about what?  Well, for me, all I have to do is admit what I am trying so hard to resist that I know is the better choice for me - diet, exercise, speaking the truth in love, watching my resentful tone, (reflecting a resentful heart), speaking too soon, giving in to anxiety, and so on and on.

We all have our stuff.  I have told myself some of mine. What's yours?

Mary, help us to say yes

IN MY FACE

I have written about the pinpricks of  martydom, daily living, but a few days ago, I experienced 
more..than a prick. It was a deep gash, a life changing one.  Not to be overdramatic, but was a situation beyond everyday drama - even trauma. 

I need urgent heartfelt prayers from any readers. I cannot give details, I rarely do, but I am trusting anyone that has read any of my posts for kind prayers of hope. 

God has promised a victory, but in the battlefield, there are some very scary moments.  This is one of them.

                                      Jacob's Ladder

At times of trouble
When, in-my-face, is hellish rubble


There is a place I know, beyond defeat
Where I must go to touch His feet


The full and radiant beauty there
Cannot compare


To the hollow, smoking glow
That hovers over a darkened soul


In this place, I beg for light
Til suddenly, a spark...Saving Flame, ignite!


Brandishing from high His fiery claim:
This child is mine. For him, I came!

Soldier of Love, I trust your Name.

WHAT IS GOD'S MOOD TODAY?

Does God have moods?
Do we wonder, when He doesn't respond to our wake up call, has He had his coffee yet?

No. He does not have moods. Moodiness  is our thing. Moods are not necessarily a good thing, therefore not a God thing. But are we not made in the image of God?  We have within us the seeds of God, in the potential of maturing into His unchanging eternal qualities, but unlike Him as we are in our ever changing human qualities.  Our feelings are up and down, our moods swing with them, for some more than others.  A girlfriend breaks up with a guy, he is in a horrible, depressed, anxious, angry mood. He decides to drink the night away. He decides not to love again.  He gets news of a bonus at work, some fresh cash; he is suddenly in a better mood, hopeful and energetic again.  He decides to get out and have some fun, maybe meet a new girl. He sees her out with someone else, maybe a friend. He is angered, gets in a fight. He gets thown in jail. He is in an even worse mood.  She comes to bail him out. He is in a great mood. We lose something, we are down; we gain something, we are up..the human condition, always changing our minds. Our moods effect how we see ourselves, our energy level, how we treat others.  God help us in all our many circumstances.. and the moods that go with them.

No. God does not have moods.  He is not swayed by circumstances. He only has one mood..the mood of love.  He never changes his decisions, regardless of our circumstances.  He has decided to love us. no matter what.  We can change our minds about Him, not be in the mood for prayer, not in the mood love Him, or our neighbor. Perhaps we are in the mood to slap our neighbor, to resent God, to even spit in his face by our actions.  Still, His mood remains the same. He is loving. His circumstance remains the same: He is for us. Because our circumstances bring us to despair, to lose faith, to openly reject Him. He still wants us every bit as much as ever.  His decision remains the same: we are precious and He will do anything to chase us home to Him. He wants us with Him, whatever our circumstance, our mood today or any day.

A FAMILY RESEMBLANCE

This morning I lay awake at three am.  I was near sleep all night, but had to finally admit.. I had had a sleepless night and it was time to..turn on TV.  I woke up to Scott Hahn speaking about family.  But I was amazed by his perception of what family was all about.

When I was in college I distinctly remember one of my idolized profs sitting cross-legged on his desk, (ok it was the 60's), and explaining with great assurance that the reason Christians invented  the trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, was that in those days society was primarily polytheistic and could not accept the idea of one god, but would easily understand the triune god concept. Following from that was my conclusion that religion was a made up thing altogether.  I bought it hook, line, and sinker. I sunk fully into the idea that it was all made up to convince the masses. The rest is personal history..I stopped attending Mass..etc. 

Years later, I have come to understand that my prof had it all turned around, that human imagination expresses divine essence. That, for instance, while we may seem to make a God from our own image, instead we are made from His image. While we think we attribute to Him finite human qualities, resembling family, father, mother, brother, lover, these are eternal divine qualities, unconsciously embedded in our created souls. 

We have His d-n-a. He is our Father. Our relationship of father, mother, son,  live out the love of theTrinity Family somehow, not the other way around, as some authorities have conjectured.  We are accused of making up an anthrpomorphic god, a god like ourselves, when, in truth, God made us like Himself...with some human differences.

These ideas about God come from Him, not the other way around.   Rather that reduce who God is by making Him human-like, God has maximized who we are by making us God-like. When He takes on human form, He does so in order to show us who  God actually is, and to draw us, His children, to Himself..more and more, until we reach Heaven. Some reach a piece of  Heaven while still on earth. When we look deep into ourselves, what we see is who God is, as lived out in Jesus' humanity.  When you have seen me, you have seen the Father.

Where was Dr. Scott Hahn and his expertise when I was seventeen in my first philosophy class?  He was probably in diapers, and God was getting him ready to talk.  Today he is one of the most well respected scholars on the Catholic scene. This morning at godly the hour, 3 am, when the monks get up to pray, he was sharing a dissertation on his book, The Lamb's Supper.  He was expounding on the book of Revelations..and its expression in, of all things, the Mass.  I had only heard other demoninations' multiple version of what this most puzzling propthetic book really means, and Dr. Hahn's take  was so much ...more. Rather than scare me with catastrophic prophetic  bombs, his Catholic view comforted me. It is hard not to be drawn into the exuberant joy of our faith when he speaks.

He brought out the elements of the Eucharist as it would be gloriously celebrated in Heaven.  It was such a surprise to hear this.

What stood out for me is that he said, when we entered the Mass we entered our Heavenly home. That here was our family, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  That the Lover is Father, the Beloved is Son, and the Love communicated is the Holy Spirit. We don't know in our limited imaginations how to think of Spirit of Love as a Person, but that is no reason to doubt it. 

Our capacity is limited, but if the consistent word of God expressed and studied and studied and studied through prayer, and handed down by teachings, handed down from St. Peter, I am thrilled to wait in hope for the full revelation what it means to be part of such a Loving Heavenly Family. 

So when we enter Mass, we are coming home to a reality of beauty, comfort, and challenge beyond our highest dreams of home and family.   Of course, we don't feel it, even though at times, the saints and mystics have. Even they did not feel it all the time.  It is not something to feel, but to know deep down and embrace in truth..and live out in faith and joy.

It is really too good not to be true. I am so thankful that I am growing to know deep down in the core of me that it is so, just as He tells us in the Gospels.  It was not always like this for me. 

I love the search and wish more Christians would spend time penetrating the mystery. It is our privilege..and duty. Wise men and women still seek Him, will always seek Him. Because we can only see as in a foggy mirror, it sometimes seems like He plays hide and seek with us. Even the Song of Solomon is a love story of hide and seek, the Lover and the beloved. This is the choreography of loving God from here to eternity and it is soo...exciting because there is always more..of Him to know..and it is all good, really good. Who doesn't love a  good, an infinitely good, mystery?

Lord,

Invade my family with Your seed

Through Word,  Host, and  the power of the Bead

So that I might surely hear

You whisper, "I am near..."

So that in boring, painful, and confusing times

Your quiet voice clearly chimes.

With your angels sent each day

To help me stay guarded, on my way.

To dodge the  ever present stalking

Missteps of distrust, anxiety, and balking.

That St. Michael, with bright sword would lead me

To march ahead of such encamped enemy.

Daily roaring to devour me whole

Lying, cheating, and stealing from my soul

Your wondrous gifts of faith, hope, and charity,

Keep my steps increasing steadily,

Energized by  divine verility.

THE PERFECT HOST: not your party

A few weeks ago, I did a post entitled, Is God Edible? about receiving the host of Holy Communion and how God is whole and we cannot separate His soul from His body, so when we receive Him, believe it or believe it, He is all there, Body Blood and Soul. He can only be whole, He enters us Whole, we receive Him Whole.

Today I have learned from a new book I love, called Onward Catholic Soldier by John LaBriola, introduced to me on Abundant Life  EWTN, another way of gaining strength from the meaning of H-O-S-T.  I am kind of a snob, about acronyms because they can be soooo corny, but sometimes the corny-er, the more easily remembered. His idea:



H is for Humility, 
O is for Obedience, 

S is for Surrender, 

T is for Trust.

Let's start with H for,  hummm..mility.

Ok., why is it that whenever someones says humble, I picture a bent over old woman, complete with shaking cane, approaching very feebly, the whole picture washed in gray and all in slo- mo.  But really, the only thing to say about the meaning of the word humble is this:  it is simply the truth about you...and me, us human kind.  Actually, it is not about us at all.  It is not like my small picture but the big one. It is about Him.  It is really plain.  He is Creator-you and me are creatures. End of conversation.

Remembering this is what is not so simple. We are not the First Cause, not the second, third, or..any cause. We are effect.  Yes, we have bodies, intelligence, emotions, choice, but we did not create any of this: it was created as part of us creatures.  Creatures can be natural and supernatural (i.e. angels), have free will, creatures can cause things to happen by manipulating what has been created as raw materials, but we cannot bring life out of nothing.  We are created beings, near the top of the rung of creation, but still part of creation. We can even create the illusion, pretend, that we can be truly independent..but that is just that, an illusion.  Did we make ourselves..duh..no.

Humility is  truth, truth about who we are and who we are not: God.  God did put a limit on our intelligence, but not on our stupidity. We are like Him in many ways in our intelligence because that is how He made us, but we are not like him in that we can be stupid and duped.We are allowed to think any stupid thing we want like, humility is a choice. And as a group, we can agree on stupid, untested ideas about ourselves and our world, and God, and we often do. Agreement somehow, if communicated in a seemingly intelligent way, may appear really true. 

Humility, related to the word human comes from the root humus,  not the kind we put in a Greek wrap or a bagel.The definition of humus is the organic matter that results from the decay of plants and animal matter, the bottom of the barrel, the end product of composting. We are made as good, rich, blackened soil, earth-dirt: something to work with. We are raw material that can be used to give life to what is already living. Without God, there would be no life in us.  That is the pure and humble truth about who we are..until we start to feed on the Host. At best, we are sticky lovable parasites leaching Life from our beloved Creator Who gives Himself to us in this foolish way.

Of this possible union, we can be proud. because of Him, we have the opportunity for Life.  But we must always be living the basic fact of all facts: we did not bring any of this about - we are the receivers, the beloved, the female part, electrically speaking.

It is a start. We are only at h. H is where we first get to know the Host, kind of like in Proverbs, when it says  fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Thus H for humility is the first letter of the acronym. HOST.  This h is what will fill us with spiritual strength, quite the polar opposite from the image of the poor weak old woman with a walking stick.  It is the truth about us and the truth will give us the strength to be truly free..from the delusions about who we are and what our life is all about.

While we have been sold a bill of bads about life being about ego, pride, judgment, and desires-all our stuff, we have bought into untruth about who we really are. We have no ownership of any of these false realilties.  We are humans, made from humus, and it would be in our best interest..to act accordingly. 

How do we do that:: an ugly word, submission..to God ..and to others.  Well, we are submitted to God, like it or not, but to submit willingly and joyfully, with a kind of spiritual pleasure, Your Majesty! He says of Himself, that he will inhabit the humble heart. This makes sense to me, as He can only live where truth lives. He cannot cohabitate with falsehood, like oil will not mix at all, not one bit, with water.  

You see, being humble is just being smart or more accurately, not being stupid. If we want to be where God is, we cannot be there without being in the atmosphere of what is true..what is real. First things first. Pride does not fit at all, like the ugly sister's shoes did not fit Cinderella, not for a minute. Ouch!

On a recent car ride, giggles coming for the pair of carseats,  with perfectly matching packs of chicken nuggets lined with half eaten fries, I mentioned that it was smart to eat the nuggets before the fries  absolutely before opening the marvelous toy hidden in the bags. Just after I complimented her adorable sister for being smart, my other adorable granddaugher, thoughtfully asked me, Nonni, what does smart really mean? Knowing the diligence of this conscientious child, I knew I had better ponder a bit before answering.  I said, thinking ahead to the inevitable teen years to come, smart means making the best choice.  She looked relieved, assuring herself and me that she, by completing the list of chores her mother had given her stickers for, she had well met the standards of smart for the day, and declared, Then, Nonni,  I am smart today! 


I wish I could be so sure!

Host,most gracious

Until today, I did not see

What is, was.., and will always be  

The truth,.. that it is You that is hosting me,

How could I have been so dense?

To be sucked into such common, yet utter non sense.

Now, at over sixty-two, I finally get a clue

That Who I am,.. is really all about You. 

SWEETEST DAY 2009

What is, are you kidding me, Sweetest Day?

Ugh. What is this disgusting.piece of..? ..Oh..Yum! Chocolate, shaped as an actual heart You knew that.

"Sweetest Day started 87 years ago when a Cleveland candy store owner brought little 'sweet' treats to orphans, the elderly and homebound people on the third Saturday of each October, leading people to call it 'The Sweetest Day of the Year,' according to the major greeting card companies and theholidayspot.com.

But for some reason, in the last few decades, the holiday evolved into a day about your sweetheart, not giving a sweet to someone in need." Duh, do you smell chocolate?..I smell the fumes..of Hallmark.

I was searching the most popular topics on Google for today, October 17th and stumbled across today's biggest hit: Sweetest Day. what?????? what??????? what???????? Could there really be another Hallmarker that managed to squeeze its bulging head into the parade of unholy days of obligations (from the meaning of oblation-gift, gift of love)

Considering the origin of this feastday, I bite my cynical tongue and take the higher rung, adjusting my attitude. If truly this was a day to remember those who rarely received a sweet..whatever, let's make an opportunity..instead of a joke. Smothering my impulse to rant about how much I hate Hallmark days, considering it was an escape from this year's Mother's Day that inspired my blogging, let's turn this day around. Instead of souring this day into another tasteless waste, I choose to love today..and celebrate with a, ..well,.. sweet idea.

How about really thinking about someone, someone you actually know, who is the least likely to get something sweet today..or on any day? No, not chocolate, (unless you are thinking of me), but a something sweet for the heart, a sweet something that would coat his or her heart today.

Do you have someone? We all can think of someone...

Who is your person, girl, boy, young, healthy, sick, happy, sad, rich, poor, likable, not, single, married, old, dead or fully alive? Lover, hater, family, friend, or stranger?

What sweetness, in a gift, can you send this someone today: not flowers, but prayers, not a just a thought, but an email, a card (the stench of hallmark..), a call, maybe even visit. Maybe something you cook or say or make or do? ok, then, buy!

Before I started my googling early this morning, I had a thought of someone whose cares often sadden me. The thought lead to a feeling, a gush of love, for this missed one. Next I was sending an email..just of about 10 words, but ten sweet words. That was all.

Next, I opened my browzer, stumbling upon this Sweetest Day thing. Am I the only one that has not heard of this? It was the top search on google. Maybe my guardian angel, or the email's recipient's, were conferring..they do, you know.. They know all kinds of stuff about us, even dumb things like Sweetest Day and smart things, like googling.

I thought I would send out in gratitude to my angel, some thoughts on these celestial guardians, to any readers today. This would be my gift to googlers that are visiting here today. Its sweet, but not at all fluffy. It is good news.

You can believe -with your brain- this stuff because it comes through years and years of sincere, and anointed study from the Dr. of the Church, St. Thomas Aquinas, also know as the Angelic Doctor of the Church. Why not give it up to the one who has spend the most, time, effort, prayer, honest tested scholarship on this subject. Even unbelieving philosophers tout him as the authority.

These are  the kind of things he wrote about angels:

1. They are here..not any less that your feet are here..or your next meal..or your cat..well, maybe, your dog. They read blogs, and are over my shoulder right now.

2. They are personal, each of us has one assigned to us, more a body or soul guard than a personal valet.

3. Are they attractive? Well, not in a warm and fuzzy, adorable and cute way, but Yes, they are - in a hugely good, and powerful, magnificent and brilliant, and protective way.

4. They are tight with us, even though we cannot see or sense them, they are listening. We can talk to them without even speaking.

5. They are fiercely loyal to Him and to you, His beloved human, and could and would move a mountain, even heavens, if commanded to do so...for your sake.

6. They are there in less than a split second in a crisis - clearly on your side.

7. They can be seen at times, but not recognized, because they are dressed in someone else's clothes, incognito. Be welcoming to all..possibly a angel at your door.

8. Their luminous intelligence makes Einstein's superbrain look like soggy cheerios.  No offense, from where he is now, I am sure he agrees.

How sweet, in a solid as a rock way, it is to know this, don't you think??

Please enjoy this gift of information like bittersweet chocolate, chocolate for grownups, good for the heart..and soul.

NOTE; By the way, after Thomas Aquinas, the great philosopher-theologian wrote the Summa Theologica,he said, at the sight of the Beatific Vision shortly before his death, that all his life's writings were nothing but straw i.e. dung, in comparison with what he had seen of Heaven. Until Heaven, I am grateful for such straw even if it carries a mere sweet speck of God's promises to us, His beloved.

The Splendour of Love, what it means to me

The Splendour of Love, what it means to me

The Rich Young Man? The Poor Old Woman?

Of the the two, I can identify with each. I am a woman, I am fortunate or "rich" by most the world's standards, unfortunate or "poor" in some areas for sure, and I am 63- getting closer to an old woman every day. Yeah, yeah, I know that 60 is the new 40..but sometimes, most often, appearances are just that, appearances. 63 years knocking around on the planet is 63 years is still 63 years knocking around on the planet...from the inside out. The good news, sometimes our vision improves with years..regardless of what the mirror or the media might say...today.  Let's focus in on what the readings for yesterday say.about age and the goodies.

Yesterday's reading was a very puzzling gospel reading to me.  I heard an a homily that explained it in an palatable way.

I am still chewing on it. Jesus was giving the rich young man an opportunity to have eternal life as a young man. He recommended that he give to the poor all he had, all that was distracting him from utter dependence on God. He also mentioned not just giving to the poor but living among them so it would open his eyes to what is real and important. As we get older, life deals us necessary losses and enough grief that we slowly but surely have the opportunity to see more clearly how needy we are, but often, the young and fortunate, at this young man was, do not recognize that they are not as self-sufficient as they think, and will soon enough need to become aware of how much depends on God. The old, the sick, and the poor have a daily experience of this dependency.

The quote from Psalms that reads. Lord, teach me to number my days, so that I might have wisdom of heart comes to mind. I have bookmarked this quote for the last 30 years, and it becomes more relevant every year. So this scripture, reminds yesterday's homilist, was more about choices: investing in wisdom and riches of God or in the wisdom or riches of the world.. And again, the beginning of wisdom is fear (awesome respect)of the Lord from Proverbs. He also made the point that we must ask for wisdom so that we can want utter dependence on God. What we pray for shows where our investment is…in this life or in the Eternal Life that the young man really longed for...don’t you think?  I am checking most my prayers twice from now on.

For me, any way I look at it, I need to pray for wise trust: trust is the present challenge for me. Sometimes I feel like if I drop the ball, no one is going to catch it..or even notice it has fallen. I must remind myself that God has skills.. He has been allowing it to drop and helps to catch it so many times in the past, even as I fear the worst. I could use your prayers here..please.

I think that Jesus was telling the rich young man that he deserved even better than what he had gained by following all the rules and being such a good boy all his young life.  Today he was being offered the opportunity of a lifetime: to give it all up for journey to the top rung, unity with God, which is what eternal life means. Jacob in the Old Testament lost the battle with the Angel of the Lord as he wrestled with him up the ladder. He lost a part of his body but gained Heaven when He gave finally up all resistance, and let God win. This New Testament rich young man was another Jacob, much milder mannered it seems,  one who had followed God to this point and was asking for more, but now the price seemed higher, the reward definitely greater. He was being called to early sainthood, like St. Francis, who took the call.

I sometimes  feel kind of depressed like I am the guy as he walked away. He was not going to be condemned for his refusal or delay, but he missed the first opportunity..and who knows when the next one would come and at what cost. We only live once. Knock..KNOCK…KNOCK!!!!!!

Jesus does not mince words or get sentimental much because it is not his business to give energy to what is of no importance in the end.. (We know whose business that is, to know more read CS Lewis, TheScrewtape Letters) Our brother Christ has all the time to wait for us at Heaven’s unlocked gate for He has done His time on earth and even hell, in order to keep eternity’s door open for us. His urgency, as the rich young man sensed and was saddened by, is for us because our time for this opportunity, is limited by number of our days on earth.  I once heard that our soul's enemy's most powerful advice to novice demons is to whisper in human's ear, "Even if it may be true, what's the hurry?"

St Augustine, of all saints, once said that if you want to fly to Heaven, fast and give alms. Jesus may have been saying this to the young man, offering him wings!

Reality check: if I cannot give up unhealthy foods, fasting…just from junk food and over-eating, and what I don’t even need, purging my closet and each room in my home for unnecessary items to which I am sickly attached, then I am as duped as any rich, young man by the prince of this world.   What is my hurry???
I know that for some of you, this is so nothing to give up to get closer to Him, but for me, it is ok for now..if I can even do it..because, inspite of some lofty ideas, I am still only able to digest Pablum..babyfood on some days.  I wish you more.

The Poor Young Woman

How did she not fret at such a start?

When an angel suddenlly appeared, proclaiming
Whose mother she'd be, body, soul, and heart.

How did she know to choose what's best?

Within her soul did strength, wisdom, and courage 

Convene there as faithful guests.

How was she able to count the cost?

To know that all Heaven was at stake

And what could be forever lost

When did she teach her soul to sing so dearly?

Sacred words ringing out

Forever, clearly.

Still just a child, only fifteen

With ordinary dreams of family and spouse

She said ok, she's be His  mother and our queen 

With neither bargaining nor fuss
The poor young woman, now rich with love
Simply said yes, and gave her body in purest trust.

Wasting Time..with God

Wasting Time..with God

She Made a Habit of Passion

She Made a Habit of Passion

Size Matters; small is better

Size Matters; small is better

Is God Edible?

                                       Holy Communion
                                      an uncommon feast

I think I am beginning to get it.  Most Christian denominations do not believe that Christ is literally present in the Eucharist, that bread and wine becomes literally body and blood of Christ within us. Most acknowledge that He is symbolically present and that is good enough. And it would be..if that is truly all He gave us. Most of us believe that God is credible, but Catholics take it a step further, a rather big step. Catholics believe tha their God is..edible! 

He gives us all of Himself, to be eaten as food. When we receive the Host, we receive Him whole, body, blood, soul, and divinity. How strange is that?  It is not so strange to the someone who is making up the rules, the Creator of all things, natural and supernatural. The universe is ordered by Him in the first place.  Unnatural to us is natural to Him, for He defines the natural and the supernatural. All is in Him, with Him, through Him...duh!

How does one separate body from blood, soul from Divinity..in Jesus case. He is body, blood, soul, and Divinity. He is the Whole. If we believe that in the host is His Divinity, then we believe we literally receive Him, body, blood, and soul – all integral parts of Him, the whole of Him. He is a fully integrated Being, not to mention, non-created.

Hey, I have no way of really explaining this, even to myself. I do know the big picture is just that, a picture. The reality of Who He is, Who the Eucharist is, is of course not a picture, but the Whole Truth, Reality, solid as a Rock. He is big on body, blood, and soul, ..and eating and all the rest that goes with being, ugh, human. He loves it all.  He invented it. He is part of it. We are part of Him. He wants to come within and be part of us.

He was not willing to leave us unfinished and without His Spirit when He went back to the Father. In His generousity, which is near impossible for us to really understand, He has given more than enough. We don't get this kind of abundant love. It is not an either or: He gives it all up to us, in an almost wasteful way, it seems. We cannot really comprehend more than enough because we have a never enough mentality, and instead of expecting abundance, we avoid scarcity.. by constant scrambling, hoarding, feeling hungry..and acting greedy. 

Maybe other denominations don’t go there literally because it is too human, even too cannibalistic, or just plain too bad to be true that we are really eat the Divine in such an almost repulsive and confoundingly simple and available way. Or maybe it just seems too good to be true, that He would make Himself so teeny and easy to eat, too ordinary, too absurd, too unbelievable.

Yes, His ways are too far-reaching  to be contained in such ordinary, easily dispensed, lifeless (like Lazarus), morsel of food, white bread of all polically incorrect things, but apparently He can handle how little and simple we need Him to be.   He can conceive the reality far better than we can even conceive  such a possibility. Yes, He can make it happen, no matter what we think. And, yes, it is too good, too humble to be true.   But is not the whole story, ridiculous truth of our Christian faith too good to be true and yet,...it is.

The foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men.

Go ahead, chew foolishly on It, let It melt effortlessly in your mouth, swallow It whole, as often as you get the chance. Let yourself be What you eat.  It will sustain you day by day, from here to eternity, whether you feel His presence in it...or not. 

We may be but stupid dust, but a chosen dust, a resplendent dust, a dust He has lovingly made able to reflect His own Splendour, if intermingled with...Him and at quite a cost, the cost of His body and blood.

                                               

                                                        Come,

Radiant Host

Enter me whole.

  With body and blood,

 Come, fill my 
soul

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING TODAY?

Are there days when you just do not know what to wear?

Our Lord has some ideas. He tells us in no uncertain terms what to put on:

Kindness
     Humility
          Gentleness
               Patience
                      and most of all,
                                              LOVE
                                                        which binds us
                                                                  all together
                                                                              in harmony

Some days my clothes don't fit.  It is back to diet and exercise. If the clothes God suggests for you and me today are a bad fit, pulling at the wrong places, then it is time to check our spiritual diet and exercise program.  Where can I cut the spiritual fat and when can I get off the couch..and potatoes?

Only with prayer, listening and asking, meditating on His word, can I get the better fit...for my finer clothes, duds that He has so lovingly laundered, coordinated,  and laid out for us each morning.

  Thanks, Your Majesty
                   for the divine  help
                                 in picking out our clothes,
                                                 for in all Your dressing and fuss,  
                                                                            You are  truly successing us !

OK. so this was an outright sermonette.  oops...Preaching happens!....inspired by devotional emailed to me from HIGH CALLING

IT SUCKS TO BE HUMAN

I missed Mass on Sunday. On Monday morning I was there promptly at 835..for 830 Mass. My husband and I sat in the front row. The Mass was being said by a lay person because it was not a regular Mass but a Communion Service. This is a "Mass" in the absence of a priest and one of the parishioners helps out with pre-consecrated hosts. I like these services because they invite the possibility of surprise..when the human element shines through the ever present Divine.

On this Monday morning of ordinary time, as we Catholics call the days between the end of Pentecost and the beginning of Advent, the human element was obvious present...alongside the Divine. Today three things happened to remind us of just how lovably human we are.

The woman who was giving the homily is my idea of a modern day saint. She is there every single day; she is beyond a grandmothers age; she is about five ft, three, and has the sweetest blue-green eyes, so tender and watery, full of kindness..and love. Her gray wavy hair, pretty short, was tied in a teensy pony tail, bearly visible as it blended into her perm. She highlighted it with an understated creamy white bow, about one and a half inches long, which most would not even notice. Surprised by it, I notice it right away..and enjoyed it.

To me this woman is absolutely beautiful. I was familiar with the horrors and sadnesses as well as the joys that her heart has held. When asked how she did it and stayed so faithful, she shared with me that she guessed God's Presence had to be sought, not even day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, but second by second. This was how she got through. Little did I know then, that He would invite me to this kind of intimacy soon. She and her aging husband, a tall and athletic guy, bent over a little now, were in the back row daily. I think she comes early to set up everything for our beloved priest. Today, and lately, her husband wasn't at her side. I thought about the day I asked her about her life,when I found out that she had had eight children, several lost to addiction, accident or illness, and now several grandchildren. She was concerned about the little ones and prayed for them often, while some of her adult children were still struggling. Each day she prayed out loud for all the addicted, never giving up on them. She and her husband are a well respected couple in our small community. I admire them so much.

She now softly bent over the Book at the lectern,started the reading. It was about the story of Matthew, one of the last apostles chosen by Jesus. She read in a fragile but steady and loving voice, the voice of age, purring with love. I thought of the story of the velveteen rabbit, picturing its grey fur worn thin and matted by the cost of becoming real.

In Matthew, Jesus chose someone that would be about as popular and well respected as the recent politician that tried to sell Obama's senate seat, who has been recently convicted. Slime bucket. He did not invite this unlikely candidate to be His apostle until later in His ministry, after He had performed many signs and wonders establishing His credibilty, because He knew exactly how much it would take to get this corrupted tax collector to full conversion. He wanted him whole first. The conclusion was drawn about Jesus and how and why and when He picks each of us, why He waits so long and puts up with so much crap before He says, enough? enough! I want you, I need you..NOW. When He called Matthew, it was his perfect time..and he gave it all up, all he had of the world's gold. Now, Matthew came running because it was the right time for his whole heart to turn to Christ..in full commitment. This reading answered so many questions for me..about my loved ones, and the ever present query, when, when, Lord??

It gave me some peace..That message delivered by this holy woman who had lived the cross, was Divine. Now back to the purely human, our adorable reader. It was such a long commentary she was reading from that finally she faltered and lost her place,not once, but a couple of times, fumbling with confused embarrassment. Her voice fading while her eyes darted desperately from line to line searching her place on the holy page. Oh, oh, I'm sorry..I,..I lost my place. That humble apology, her carefully placed pony tail, small as a plug at the nape of her neck, my knowledge of her story, her absent husband..was he ok? I hadn't seen him at her side for a while. All this, and her watering bluish eyes, peeking kindly through the oversized rims, made her message so poignant..and powerful. The power was in the Divine mixed with the human, the mighty and the weak, like Perfect Christ and the flawed Matthew, whom He chose as His own. For me today, the messenger was the message.

Two more wonderfully human things happened shortly after her quiet return to her seat. First to my husband, who, during the handshake of peace, with open hand, rushing enthusiastically from one parishioner to another, trying not to miss anyone, was suddenly surprised by a good friend, who appeared unexpectedly at his side, eager to share a handshake or maybe a hug. He turned too quickly, breaking the hand to hand rythm he had going, his hand landing flat and loud on her cheek, accidently slapping it. Not hard, but hard enough to be get attention. It brought laughs.. out loud. At such a sacred moment, the handshake of peace - a perfect time to be slapping friends around. It inspired my sick joke, Oh. He slaps me around too, and then, her clever reply, Well, now I feel like part of the family!

Now, God was on a roll and I was His next victim-just at the most sacred moment, the Eucharist. At this service, the Eucharist is passed on a dish from one parishioner's hand to another's, which always makes me feel sort of uncomfortable,..in case I do the wrong move. Well, today, I did the right moves, and was relieved,.. until after I received the host safely in my mouth when I started coughing..violently. I could not stop, even as the host started to melt on my tongue. My hand flew to my open mouth just in time to catch the soggy bits of consecrated dough, spitting through my gooey fingers. I spent the rest of the service pretending not to lick up the teeny pieces glued onto my unholy palms. I had to get every last morsel back in my mouth as one would never leave a piece of consecrated host rudely uninjested. That would be sacrilegious and, worse by human standards, impolite..and even worse by mine, embarrassing.

Three is enough, Lord, I get the message. He likes us just the way we are, just how He made us. We are His delight, fumbling, forgetiing, spitting, slapping, missing the mark, warts n all. Leaving perfection to His definition, our lot is to enjoy being fully alive..as human as He made us. It lightened my heart, as if Jesus was saying as He rides with us through this life, Enjoy the ride. You only come this way once and...know that You are loved, just as you are.